Often we are so busy with life that we never realise it. Yet, the truth is, time flies. I am pleasantly surprised that I have already completed one year of my undergraduate studies and is now enjoying my well-deserved (well, I would like to think that this is a well-deserved break after a long, hectic semester) holiday in an extremely warm but relatively lovely city---Beijing.
As a matter of fact, it's already one week into my holidays. The initial excitement and relief is wearing off and to be honest, I am beginning to feel bored and erm...lonely, since I am alone in my room, in a foreign land. And the fact that I have to move out by the end of this week didn't help to lift my spirits. The thought of having to move my belongings, esp my bulky washing machine, kind of makes me sick. But nonetheless, it's holidays -- a much awaited season where I can (theoretically) finish up on things I have planned to do but didn't manage to touch on during the school term.
On a sidenote, I was trying to make use of this holiday to catch up with some of my friends since I am not able to return to SG this summer. It was then that I realised that time and distance does make a difference to friendship. I am not saying that anything unhappy happened between us. Just that there is this distant feeling which I cannot put into words. It's like all of a sudden, there is no longer any common topic. I understand that both parties are working very hard to try to keep the conversation going, and it hurts me even more that despite our effort, we could hardly speak for more than fifteen minutes:(
On the other hand, there are some friends on msn who are extremely important to me. Yet, everytime I place the cursor on their names, I do not have the courage to click and start a conversation. Simply because I know they are busy and that it would be very selfish for me to bother them with my silly "hellos".
I don't know if I am making sense, but I just can't help but wonder if there is an expiry date to human relationships afterall? At different points in our lives, we come across many different people, and for a certain period of time, it seems like our lives revolve around a particular group of friends. Yet, when we move to the next phase in life, the group begin to scatter and eventually we find ourselves new company. I still remember my best friends back in primary school. Though we still try to meet up occasionally and keep in touch via msn/facebook/friendster etc, I can't help but notice that for most part of our lives now, it's another group of people who are by our sides. Well, I thought perhaps that's just part of growing up. But ultimately what pains me most is, sometimes, we may get so carried away with our present lives that we forget all about the past. Recently, I tried to re-connect with a friend. This friend was one of my dearest friend ever. Though we hadn't contacted each other for many many years, she is always an important part of my childhood memory. And stupidly, I had thought I weigh the same to her. Unfortunately, when I tried to contact her not so long ago, I was appalled to know that she no longer remembered who I am.Hmm, I don't know if this is common to all in the process of growing up, or is it just a failure on my part. Perhaps, I am such a boring friend that I hold not a single significance to others. Honestly, it hurts.
But I guess I will live with it. And though she has ceases to remember me, I will still hold my memories dear. Who knows? Maybe one day she may suddenly remember somehow...Either way, I still hope with all my heart that friendship will last forever, through the trials of time....
In the meantime, I guess I will still try to contact as many friends as possible during holidays. Whatever happens in future, at least I know I did try to keep the bond going.
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